It is about two in the a.m. and I am exhaustedly awake with one of my two children under the age of two. This time two years ago, I was overwhelmed with the thought that I was going to actually be a mother. I had been informed on several occasions that due to female reproductive issues, I would need medical intervention to actually have children. Yet, I am currently being milked like the cow I feel like, by my youngest child who is not fond of bottles or formula. He seems to find that my milk is extremely better and that those pacifiers have nothing on my breasts. I am so sarcastic when it comes to feeding him because even though it is extremely tiring, he and I have a bond like no other. I wanted a momma's boy and I definitely got one, while my daughter is her father's shadow and at times views me as competition, not as a caretaker.
The oddest part about being a parent of two under two is that I feel like I do not have the energy I need to care for them both, but somehow I do so all the time without any effort. I mean sometimes when I hit the bed, I wonder how I made it through the day. And without any hesitation at all, I say my prayers. I thank God that we survived another day and ask for the strength to do it again tomorrow. Never mind if I actually had time to do anything like shower or clean up, none of that matters, at that moment I am patting myself on the back that I was able to keep my babies alive and happy. It has been almost 3 months and I still cannot wrap my head around how I got here.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Thursday, September 26, 2013
The STEPS in Step-Families
Let me start off by saying this, I think the label "step" has such a negative perception attached to it, that I never want to be referred to as anyone's step-anything. I simply enjoy being me. With that being said, I have acquired two children from my significant other's past relationships and I can still remember our first meet, almost three years later. I didn't feel anxious, although a lot of pressure was riding on how well we meshed. My sig is all about his children, so if we had not meshed well, well we would not be we today.
Our little family unit is very cohesive and undeniably happy. I will admit, I would find myself correcting people all the time when they would say anything pertaining to my kids, making sure that strangers knew I was not their biological mom and that was something that bothered my sig. He felt it was an unnecessary piece of information and as much as I understood where he was coming from, I still felt the need to clarify until one day I noticed that the children don't make the distinction, so why do I? Why should I? We all know that we are not biologically related, but our love is greater than that. Suddenly I stopped being so quick to reply and correct people. It was especially important not to do when I had children of my own because I pride myself on treating all of the children the same, whether I had them, raised them, or not. Being a caring, loving, and consistent role model in their lives is what matters most.
S...The S can stand for separate or suited...You can be an entity separate from the family unit that has been brought together non-biologically or you can be an asset that is well suited for the position and the tasks at hand.
T...The T can stand for temporary or tenacious...You have to take a stand on how you truly view yourself, in respect to those who matter and existed before you, as a temporary figure in their lives or as a tenacious being that has all intent on being one with.
E...The E can stand for extraneous or efficient...This is where it gets deep, this is when you must weigh in on your own worth to those outside of your worth, are you just an extra in their lives or are you a causative force, in what will come to work better than a well oiled machine.
P...The P can stand for passive or poised...Who you are makes a world of difference to who they are, be it the significant other or the children, this is the difference between choosing to either not be 100% or to be 150% because anyone in this position knows it takes more than your all and anything less than it, is equivalent to absolutely nothing.
S...This S is simply the element to sink or swim. This is the place where laws of attraction aren't necessarily true. This is where magnetic fields lose their spark. This is where individuals decide to fail or survive. There are so many moments in blended families or families in general, that can be trying. But you have to have the will to swim, or you sink.
That is it, those are the STEPS. Being a presence in the life of someone else's child is a huge responsibility. It is not for the weak or the faint-hearted. It takes a mental strength and composure like no other. But most importantly, it is a choice!
Feel free for applaud those who STEP in and really STEP up!
Note that I left out the drama and odds and ends that come with outside, connected factors, it was indeed left out intentionally, because their connection should not have a place in what is being beautifully and strategically constructed. However if they rear their heads, feel free to use the STEPS to walk above them.
Our little family unit is very cohesive and undeniably happy. I will admit, I would find myself correcting people all the time when they would say anything pertaining to my kids, making sure that strangers knew I was not their biological mom and that was something that bothered my sig. He felt it was an unnecessary piece of information and as much as I understood where he was coming from, I still felt the need to clarify until one day I noticed that the children don't make the distinction, so why do I? Why should I? We all know that we are not biologically related, but our love is greater than that. Suddenly I stopped being so quick to reply and correct people. It was especially important not to do when I had children of my own because I pride myself on treating all of the children the same, whether I had them, raised them, or not. Being a caring, loving, and consistent role model in their lives is what matters most.
S...The S can stand for separate or suited...You can be an entity separate from the family unit that has been brought together non-biologically or you can be an asset that is well suited for the position and the tasks at hand.
T...The T can stand for temporary or tenacious...You have to take a stand on how you truly view yourself, in respect to those who matter and existed before you, as a temporary figure in their lives or as a tenacious being that has all intent on being one with.
E...The E can stand for extraneous or efficient...This is where it gets deep, this is when you must weigh in on your own worth to those outside of your worth, are you just an extra in their lives or are you a causative force, in what will come to work better than a well oiled machine.
P...The P can stand for passive or poised...Who you are makes a world of difference to who they are, be it the significant other or the children, this is the difference between choosing to either not be 100% or to be 150% because anyone in this position knows it takes more than your all and anything less than it, is equivalent to absolutely nothing.
S...This S is simply the element to sink or swim. This is the place where laws of attraction aren't necessarily true. This is where magnetic fields lose their spark. This is where individuals decide to fail or survive. There are so many moments in blended families or families in general, that can be trying. But you have to have the will to swim, or you sink.
That is it, those are the STEPS. Being a presence in the life of someone else's child is a huge responsibility. It is not for the weak or the faint-hearted. It takes a mental strength and composure like no other. But most importantly, it is a choice!
Feel free for applaud those who STEP in and really STEP up!
Note that I left out the drama and odds and ends that come with outside, connected factors, it was indeed left out intentionally, because their connection should not have a place in what is being beautifully and strategically constructed. However if they rear their heads, feel free to use the STEPS to walk above them.
Wednesday, September 25, 2013
In My Opinion...
There is this thing called an opinion, that we all have in common, yet are often so very tempted to despise in one another. It doesn't matter if it is filled with truth or tainted with lies, we don't want someone else to say what is on their mind. If and when they do, we get irate, we argue, fight and berate. What makes ours so worth being stated, while others are left to be hated?
We build this image of ourselves that even in our deepest and darkest moments, we think we are entitled to say how we feel, even if we're wrong. We have such a self absorption that we honestly believe that what we feel should be said and heard, while others should just listen, understand, and agree. And even in the event of us actually being open to hear someone else, it usually isn't without intent to have a rebuttal. We are preparing to talk versus listening, so that even when we try to listen, all we hear is what we want to reply to.
Even as I am typing this, I am feeling like I am looking in a mirror, not that I am typing. I am guilty. And that may be the hardest opinion that I have ever had to swallow.
We build this image of ourselves that even in our deepest and darkest moments, we think we are entitled to say how we feel, even if we're wrong. We have such a self absorption that we honestly believe that what we feel should be said and heard, while others should just listen, understand, and agree. And even in the event of us actually being open to hear someone else, it usually isn't without intent to have a rebuttal. We are preparing to talk versus listening, so that even when we try to listen, all we hear is what we want to reply to.
Even as I am typing this, I am feeling like I am looking in a mirror, not that I am typing. I am guilty. And that may be the hardest opinion that I have ever had to swallow.
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